The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 27 Mar 1996 20:05:46 +0000
Hiya folks...
Here's latest from me to keep you happy...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
GENUINE EXTRACTS FROM LETTERS WRITTEN TO
THE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND SOCIAL SECURITY
I cannot get Eternity Benefit in spite of the fact that I saw the
Insistence Officer. I have eight children, what can I do about it?
I am glad to state that my husband died yesterday. I will be glad if
you will get the pension. If you don't hurry up with it I will have to
get Public Resistance.
I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole. I am
visited regularly by the Clergy, so will you write to the Penshun
Minister for me as I don't know what church he is in charge of. I can
do with a penshun as I have no clothes on for a year.
I am enclosing the certificate with six children. One of them is a
mistake as you will see when you look into it. I am writing to say my
youngest child is born two years old. And why am I not getting an
allowance for it?
I enclose the certificate with six children. One of them is a twin and
died. You asked if he is christened. Yes. He was baptised on half a
sheet of paper by a certain Captain in the Salvation Army.
The man I live with won't work. As he wants to know if my husband is
dead, will you search the records office for him and let me know, if you
find him.
I should have more pension now my son is in charge of a spitoon. I get
separate money when he is listened. You want to know what part he is
wounded in. If it is all the same to you it was in the Dardy Nells.
I am writing you truly yes. I was confirmed with a boy weighing ten
pounds. Let me know if this is what you want because I have fallen in
error with the Landlord and need it badly to pay the rent.
In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the
enclosed envelope.
I want money badly as quick as you can send it. I have been in bed with
the doctor for a week and he doesn't seem to be doing any good. If
things don't improve I shall have to change my doctor.
Milk is needed for the baby as father is unable to supply it.
Re. Your dental enquiry. The teeth at the top are all right but the
ones in my bottom are hurting terribly.
Please send me a form for cheap milk. I have a baby two month old and
did not know anything about it until a neighbour told me.
Please send me a proper form for milk as I am stagnant.
Please send me a form for milk supply for having babies at reduced
rates.
My son has been unable to attend school as he has had diarrhoea through
a hole in his shoe.
I cannot get my sick pay. I have six children. Why is this?
This is my eighth child, what are you going to do about it?
Mrs H has no clothes at all and has not had any for the past year. The
clergy has been visiting her regularly.
In reply to your letter I have cohabited with your officers but so far
without results.
I am glad to say that my husband who was missing is now dead.
Sir, I am forwarding my marriage certificate and two children one of
which is a mistake as you will see.
Unless I get my husband's money I shall be forced to lead an immortal
life.
I am writing to you for Mrs J who cannot write herself. She expects to
be confined next week and could do with it.
I sent you my marriage certificate and six children. I have seven, one
died and was baptized on half a sheet of notepaper.
Please find out if my husband is dead as the man I live with won't eat
or do anything until he is certain.
In answer to your letter I have given birth to a boy weighing 9 lbs. Is
this satisfactory?
You have changed my little boy into a girl, will this make any
difference?
I have no children as my husband works all night and I work all day.
--
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
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